Our society has taught our daughters and granddaughters that size matters - at least when it comes to breast size and depth of cleavage! And, sadly, girls learn this nonsense at a young age, without our even realizing it.

I recall when my own daughter turned 4 years old. At night, she would cry out to me to come to her room. When I got there, she would tell me that her chest hurt. Using a flashlight I would look at her chest and see that her nipples were red.

In the morning her nipples looked fine once again. This routine went on for six nights before I decided to have her examined by her pediatrician. Being a nurse, I had already diagnosed her with "nocturnal pediatric mastitis" (there's no such disorder, just the name I chose to give to this strange syndrome I was seeing).

The doctor examined her, reassured me that she was fine, and then said to my child, "Have you been pulling on your nipples at night?" My child nodded yes. I was stunned. He asked her why. Her response haunts me to this day: "So that my boobies will grow big like my mommy's."

Good grief! Where had she been exposed to talk about breast size and its "importance?" Day care? TV? Had she overheard older children discussing the subject? I never did figure that one out, but it confirmed for me that this type of societal molding happens earlier and more surreptitiously than we think.

Is this acceptable? No. Can we change it? Perhaps not. But we owe it to our children to at least make the attempt so that they are not feeling bad about themselves if they're not at least a C cup.

Looking around at symbols of "femaleness," I've come to realize that we often determine if the person walking toward us on the street is a man or woman by whether the person has breasts-goodness knows, these days we can't tell by a person's clothes, hair style, or even make up! Breasts, though, are a dead giveaway. About the only visual image that doesn't use breasts as a stand-in for "female" is the figure in the triangular dress that graces the doors of so many women's public restrooms.

So if you have teenage daughters - no, make that pre-teenage daughters - talk with them about their self-image, especially in relation to their breasts. Emphasize that they should not feel defined by their breast size. Perhaps equally as important, talk to your sons about this too. If we can change the way young boys and girls think about this subject, we might just get somewhere.